New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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