Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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