Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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