do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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