she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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