Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
