Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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