i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
