Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
