I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
