My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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