you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
