Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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