the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
