Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
