Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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