bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone signed my nipple.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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