And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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