sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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