Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
