i think my tv is drunk
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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