Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
