i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
