this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
