I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
