He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize