half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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