He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
