I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize