the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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