I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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