well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
