Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize