I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
