Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
