oh god the rape fog is back!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
