im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im part way to drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
