We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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