You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
