allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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