I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
