Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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