just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize