He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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