I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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