I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
