The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
