Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
