A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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