I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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