Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I could teleport
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
