he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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