you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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