she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
