Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
