haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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