He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
