I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
