So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
