I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
