i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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