I'm going to jail i love you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
