Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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