I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
