weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
