I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
