Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
