dude i'm inner monologue high
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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