I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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