I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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