let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
