Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can I color on your dick again?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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