There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
