you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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