mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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