That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
