How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
