How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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