Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
